What I never learned in seminary

Sometime before I conclude my professional ministry I would love to teach a seminary course I would entitle “What We don’t Teach you that You Bloody Well Need to Know.”

I had an excellent academic experience at the Pacific School of Religion; I learned how to think critically about scripture, how to reflect upon matters of theological importance, listening as the most valuable asset of pastoral care, and how to identify a particular church tradition based on the architecture of the building (a game I sometimes play with family members – they point out a church building, I name the denominational affiliation, and then we see if I am right).  But as with so many professional educations, there was a whole lot I DIDN’T learn in seminary that is vitally important in my role as a Pastor.  These exceptions are the kinds of things that can make you crazy … or worse.  Several years ago when I was shopping for disability insurance I was told that clergy are in the same category as high steel workers and underwater demolition experts.  Yikes – when we snap, there is no coming back!  So maybe such a course would help those folks who should not be ordained find some other more suitable occupation. 

In a world more and more geared towards specialization, church staff members need to be generalists.  For example, in an urban setting we get lots of folks who drop by seeking financial assistance.  How does one balance such a request, many of which are con jobs, with the command of Christ that we should give to all who ask?  In my thirty years of ministry I have probably given out $20,000 and I count myself lucky if 10% of that went to folks in real need.

Or what happens when a member of the church gets hurt doing volunteer work for the church?  With the ever-increasing costs of medical insurance more and more folks are going to disaster coverage only.  What is the moral versus legal obligation of the church?

Then of course there is the need to move furniture or dispose of large amounts of junk.  Bookshelves, small refrigerators, film strip projectors … all kinds of thing accumulate in a church environment.  How do you decide what to keep and what to dump?  Does it require committee action, council action, congregational action!?  Should every church require weight lifting, a kidney belt, and a dolly for all pastors?!

And if you serve an urban church which hands out food and bus tickets, what happens when a client loses it because the supply of food or tickets is exhausted, or you suspect the individual who has been in the rest room for thirty minutes is shooting up?

How do you, as a professional, handle it when someone trying to be helpful actually ends up insulting you?  How do you, as a minister of the Gospel, handle the balance between the pastoral task of making people feel safe and loved with the prophetic task of reminding them of the biblical call to self-sacrifice for the benefit of all?  How do you, as a person, pull it together to serve as a pastor to a family suffering the death of a loved one, when you loved that person too and your heart is breaking as well?

I love my calling and I feel very privileged to been invited into so many different aspects of life.  And every now and then I cuss my professors AND my pastor for what they DIDN’T tell me …

See you in church.

Kevin