The Gift

Not long after my daughter was born, my grandmother began to suffer from dementia.  Over the years, I watched my rock and my anchor slowly decline over the years until two years ago, when she was truly at the end.

At that point, she was living in an adult family home, and Hospice had been called in.   She hadn’t gotten out of bed or even been conscious for over a week.  On Christmas Eve I was there by her bedside, when the Hospice worker called me over, and told me that my grandma needed to hear me tell her that it was OK that she go, that I would be OK, and that she could go if she was ready.  Crying, I nodded to her and told her I would.

I went back to my grandma’s bedside, held her hand, and, with tears running down my cheeks, said “Grandma, I don’t know if you know this, but it’s Christmas Eve.  I can’t bear the thought of you dying on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, so if it’s at all possible, please live just two more days.  I’m supposed to tell you it’s OK for you to go, but it’s not OK – not yet.  I don’t want to remember your passing every Christmas for the rest of my life, so just hang in there.  Please.  I love you.  Merry Christmas.”

When I came out of the room, the Hospice worker gave me a hug and told her I had been very strong and selfless – and I just kept my mouth shut, knowing how incredibly selfish I truly was.  I drove straight to church where I met my family for the Christmas Eve service and we worshiped together.

The next morning, as we were opening our stockings, the phone rang.  The Caller ID showed that it was her adult family home.  My hand trembled as I answered the phone, knowing in my heart that they must be calling to tell me she was gone.  “Hello”, I whispered as I answered.  And then I heard a voice I knew and loved so much, in a very quavering but still strong voice, sing “I wish you a Merry Christmas; I wish you a Merry Christmas; I wish you a merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!”  And then she said, “Merry Christmas, Sara Mina.  I love you.”

I never heard her speak again, and she lived just a few more days.But that Christmas morning I received the greatest gift I have ever been given. Her strength, her spirit, and her ability to rally for her family one more time is an inspiration that will forever be with me.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you; I wish you unexpected happiness, the making of wonderful memories, peaceful moments, and great joy throughout this season of wonder.

Sara Gillam.